I started off the New Year right. I started it jobless. That’s right folks. I quit!
Sounds exciting but quitting didn’t turn out quite the way I imagined. Rather than submitting my resignation with a heroic shove to the shocked and disappointed expression of my supervisor, I slipped my notice quietly, sneaking out the back door relatively unnoticed by coworkers. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
Today is Day Four of my Truth Experiment (or not telling another lie for the next year). I already consider myself to be an unusually honest person, but taking on this project has raised my awareness of everything that comes out of my mouth. Several times each day, I have had to interrupt myself to correct my inaccurate statements. It’s been tedious, but eye-opening. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy
After writing my last post, I thought “Oh god. This blog has already become depressing”. But that’s not what I want.
I don’t want my writing to be yet one more platform for people to feel bad about the world they live in. Nor do I want this to become the narcissistic catharsis that so many other blogs become. So, I asked myself: “what do I want to come from this?”
These are the answers that came up:
I want to help people
I want people to feel better about their lives
I want them to feel more connected and less lost, confused, or lonely
I want people to know that it’s okay to be honest, real and open, and that their true selves are completely lovable
I want people to become more self-aware so that they can make the kinds of choices that lead to richer and more joyful lives
I want to subject myself to a social experiment of 100% transparency, 100% self-acceptance and 0% shame, and document the entire thing on this blog.
Whew! All of those statements feel incredibly true, and having put them down has somehow lifted a weight in my body that I hadn’t noticed was there. That very last statement (the one about transparency) scares the bejeesus out of me (literally my arm hairs stood on end when I wrote it) which is a good sign that I absolutely should do it.
*sigh*
Here goes nothin’.
Filed under The Truth Experiment
Today I was asked to lie.
More specifically, my supervisor is asking me to input false data in thousands of cases for the next 3 weeks so that our company can report better outcomes to our internal client (yes, the one that cuts our checks). In other words, we would be saying we were more effective in empowering families than we actually were, so that we can make more money.
I refused.
It’s nothing new, but this time the request came from one of my superiors I most trust and respect. That was disheartening. Most frustrating of all, however, is that instead of improving our service delivery so we can more effectively help these welfare families, we cover up the reality of the situation so as to save our own comfy asses.
Each time I’ve been asked to lie, I’ve said no, but the expectation of dishonesty for the sake of company profit (at the sake of the impoverished) is beating down on me.
Today was a turning point. I have long wanted to be an entrepreneur and start my own business. Now is the time.
Filed under The Truth Experiment
I’m writing this blog because I’ve had enough.
I’ve had enough of fear, dishonesty, ineffectiveness, mediocrity, boredom and suppression. I’ve had enough with settling for a “safe” life so that my aspirations won’t threaten, offend or unnerve others.
Today I commit to living a life of 100% authenticity. I commit to telling the truth in every moment.
I commit to choosing beautiful uncertainty over tepid security.
I might fail from time to time, but that’s no matter. I am at the tipping point. To cling to the edge now, rather than to let myself fall, will most certainly be the death of my spirit. And it’s much too early for that fire to extinguish.
Filed under Uncategorized
contact me at : lellefox@gmail.com
