I started off the New Year right. I started it jobless. That’s right folks. I quit!
Sounds exciting but quitting didn’t turn out quite the way I imagined. Rather than submitting my resignation with a heroic shove to the shocked and disappointed expression of my supervisor, I slipped my notice quietly, sneaking out the back door relatively unnoticed by coworkers. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus
I met these great guys last Saturday. Their names are Josh and Ryan and they write a blog about minimalism. Well. It’s not really about minimalism. It’s about living a meaningful life and how making money and acquiring stuff doesn’t bring the fulfillment or satisfaction we think it will.
Ryan and Josh are on a tour to promote their new book, meet other cool minimalists, like moi, and that’s how I got to meet them. Saturday they came to Phoenix and spoke about how they’ve changed their lives; they spoke about letting go of possessions and fancy corporate titles, about living with less and creating more. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
Some days, from the moment I wake up until the time I go to sleep, are just plain bad. No matter how much positive thinking I do, I can’t shake the negativity. It’s like the 24-hr-cold of emotion.
Today was such a day.
I’m not telling you this to get sympathy. I don’t expect you to care. Honestly. But I noticed that I deal with these kinds of days differently than I used to, and I hope that my transparency can be of some use. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
I had coffee with a friend yesterday who asked me what my end goal is. What is the purpose of this blog? I had such a hard time articulating my response. I had difficulty because part of my purpose is intuitive, and I haven’t concretely defined all the aspects of it. But also, when asked so directly, I stall out of embarrassment. I expect people to think that what I’m about to say is saccharine or naïve.
The answer is that I don’t want to hurt any more, and I don’t want others to hurt any more. It seems a good portion of human suffering is avoidable, and that a lot of our suffering is caused by the lies we tell ourselves and the lies we tell others. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
photo credit: Buzzfeed, Dave Stropera
This little social experiment has given birth to some incredible conversations about fear and authenticity. In one of these conversation a friend recently confided that, as hard as she tries to be honest, she often holds back what she’s thinking for fear of offending someone.
That’s a legitimate concern. In a materialist culture of good-better-best, most people have underlying fears about their worth, and when we’re open about our opinions, we chance to stumble over each others’ deeply buried insecurities. I know because, a few weeks ago, another friend stumbled over mine. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
Whenever taking on a new project or making a major life change, my thinking becomes clouded and fuzzy. In conversation, I stutter over finding the right words to express myself and, in mid-sentence, will forget what I was going to say (that’s always impressive on a first date).
This very thing has been happening to me lately, and it’s interfered with my writing too (as you may have noticed). At first, I thought I wasn’t writing because I had run out of ideas. The truth is that what’s been consuming my brain power is the thing I am most excited and most fearful of writing about. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy, The Truth Experiment
I’ve been sick all day which has given me a lot of time to do nothing but watch movies, suck on 27 cough drops and lay around thinking about life. Today, I was prepared to write a long post about self-awareness, but instead I want to write about an idea that has been haunting my thoughts for a few weeks now: being weird.
Like everyone else, I grew up in a culture from which I learned valuative norms, that is, which things are good or bad, right or wrong, weird or normal. As a child I saw my friends strive to fit within these norms, as did I, in order to avoid conflict and receive love and acceptance from parents and other authority figures.
On some level I thought fitting in would make me happy even though it oftentimes meant squashing my true nature–my creativity, intuition, ambitions, etc. Many of my friends were much better at squashing than I was, and I often felt like a Weirdo. Continue reading
Filed under The Truth Experiment
Clay Chimenea
It has been a few days since my last Truth Experiment Update and I have oodles to share. So far, the experience has been mostly positive, though at times, uncomfortable. I’ll start with the positives.
Last Saturday was Cousin Night at Ben’s House. Picture this: 5 cousins, 2 family friends and a black cat gathered around an outside patio table, lots of beer, a few cigarettes, grilled bratwurst and fire in a terracotta clay chimenea.
I am the first to arrive, followed by my cousin, Kamryn. With a gleam in her eye, the first thing she says to me is “Oooh! I have so many questions!!” Naturally, my cousins have been following the blog and find the Truth Experiment an opportune time to get me to “spill the dirt”. I say okay. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy
Today is Day Four of my Truth Experiment (or not telling another lie for the next year). I already consider myself to be an unusually honest person, but taking on this project has raised my awareness of everything that comes out of my mouth. Several times each day, I have had to interrupt myself to correct my inaccurate statements. It’s been tedious, but eye-opening. Continue reading
Filed under 100% Honesty Project, Honesty is sexy
Today I was asked to lie.
More specifically, my supervisor is asking me to input false data in thousands of cases for the next 3 weeks so that our company can report better outcomes to our internal client (yes, the one that cuts our checks). In other words, we would be saying we were more effective in empowering families than we actually were, so that we can make more money.
I refused.
It’s nothing new, but this time the request came from one of my superiors I most trust and respect. That was disheartening. Most frustrating of all, however, is that instead of improving our service delivery so we can more effectively help these welfare families, we cover up the reality of the situation so as to save our own comfy asses.
Each time I’ve been asked to lie, I’ve said no, but the expectation of dishonesty for the sake of company profit (at the sake of the impoverished) is beating down on me.
Today was a turning point. I have long wanted to be an entrepreneur and start my own business. Now is the time.
Filed under The Truth Experiment
contact me at : lellefox@gmail.com
