Whenever taking on a new project or making a major life change, my thinking becomes clouded and fuzzy. In conversation, I stutter over finding the right words to express myself and, in mid-sentence, will forget what I was going to say (that’s always impressive on a first date).
This very thing has been happening to me lately, and it’s interfered with my writing too (as you may have noticed). At first, I thought I wasn’t writing because I had run out of ideas. The truth is that what’s been consuming my brain power is the thing I am most excited and most fearful of writing about.
I can’t stop thinking about the idea of selling my belongings, buying a van and touring the west coast to do a mini-documentary about honesty.
It has become a resident ache in my chest.
That’s a good sign that I’m actually going to do it. But along with the excitement comes massive doubt. I have no idea how I’m going to make this happen, and by writing about it here I’m committing myself publicly, which means any related failings will become public too. Though, I guess I hung that noose when I decided to start “a social experiment of 100% transparency, 100% self-acceptance and 0% shame.”
Taking on this project, and preparing for it, means getting really honest with myself. It means letting go of belongings and the part of my identity that is born from what I own. It means no longer soothing my fears and insecurities with shiny new objects, nor hiding or fortressing myself in a blanket of possessions. It means a bare bones way of living. Raw. Naked. Thrilling. Vulnerable.
I’ve always said that I’d rather acquire experiences than things. Time to prove it.