Whenever taking on a new project or making a major life change, my thinking becomes clouded and fuzzy. In conversation, I stutter over finding the right words to express myself and, in mid-sentence, will forget what I was going to say (that’s always impressive on a first date).
This very thing has been happening to me lately, and it’s interfered with my writing too (as you may have noticed). At first, I thought I wasn’t writing because I had run out of ideas. The truth is that what’s been consuming my brain power is the thing I am most excited and most fearful of writing about.
I can’t stop thinking about the idea of selling my belongings, buying a van and touring the west coast to do a mini-documentary about honesty.
It has become a resident ache in my chest.
That’s a good sign that I’m actually going to do it. But along with the excitement comes massive doubt. I have no idea how I’m going to make this happen, and by writing about it here I’m committing myself publicly, which means any related failings will become public too. Though, I guess I hung that noose when I decided to start “a social experiment of 100% transparency, 100% self-acceptance and 0% shame.”
Taking on this project, and preparing for it, means getting really honest with myself. It means letting go of belongings and the part of my identity that is born from what I own. It means no longer soothing my fears and insecurities with shiny new objects, nor hiding or fortressing myself in a blanket of possessions. It means a bare bones way of living. Raw. Naked. Thrilling. Vulnerable.
I’ve always said that I’d rather acquire experiences than things. Time to prove it.
I’ll be honest, I totally clicked on your post because I thought someone was writing about a nude experience or something but even though that’s not the case, I’m not disappointed. You’re going on a noble journey and I wish you the best of luck with it. I also look forward to hearing about your experience.
Thank you Mauria
I can see cause for the mixup, hee hee.
Lindsey. DO IT. I have seriously thought of undertaking the same adventure only to be held back by insecurity, doubt, and shiny new objects time and time again. I will live vicariously through you.
If you follow your heart and dreams, abundance will follow.
Thank you for your support Dana!! It will take some time but I’m envisioning doing the trip this summer (ya know when AZ is too hot and the west coast is just right!)
I think making dreams true is a wonderful experience and leaving the mainstream doing that will make it an even greater one. Boldly go where you’ve never gone before, Lindsey
I for one couldn’t live with the fear of some day having to say: “I wish i had …”
Thank you Holger! I’m excited to see where it leads!
Love this! You write very well and I know this is going to be a fun time for you. There’s an old saying…leap and the net will appear.
Love you!
Thank you Zeke! Love you too!
Lindsey, it is so wonderful to hear about your plans and dreams and to hear about it PUBLICLY! It is a hard, beastly, raw thing to do to commit one’s self to great feats on the glass house of the internet (not to mention all those fun conversations in everyday life
I appreciate your friend, Zeke’s words, “leap and the net will appear”. I have been playing a tug of rope with that . . . phrase/saying/tale/-truth? . . . for months now. I’ve made a commitment publicly and have to fight off my Dark Passenger of doubt and despair almost daily sometimes. But it is worth it.
. . . as one of my favorite stories implies . . . Personal Legends always are
Look forward to keeping in touch!
Hi Terrisa!
I look forward to getting to know you.
Thank you for your energizing message
Lindsey,
I love your plan! A couple of years ago, while I was out of work, I took off in my car headed west. 39 days, 23 states later, I came back recharged with fantastic new perspectives on our world.
It was not easy but, completely worthwhile. I recommend getting into great physical shape prior to heading out.
I recently left a job, I wasn’t thrilled with and am on a search for authenticity. A trip like yours is quite tantalizing. The west coast swing was a magical part of my journey, I’m sure it will offer you the same.
Wow, Kevin! That’s so inspiring and makes me excited for my own journey
Thanks for commenting! Keep in touch!
Experiences over things any day…..
You have to do this. If not, it’ll become a regret. Regret sucks.
Go for it! Chasing material possessions in hopes of happiness is feudal, it’s like an addict chasing the first high, you’ll never reach. Mental freedom is created by the individual, not the pursuance of objects & money. Your documentary sounds intriguing
I applaud your courage and conviction. Two years ago, I left a 20 year career in large corporations and the security of a nice paycheck and benefits to head into the paycheck-less and benefits-less unknown to pursue what I believe is my life’s calling. It was scary and I had lost sleep many nights fretting about how I was going to support my self and my wife and three children. We have some money saved up but I knew that if I didn’t get another job within 6 months that I would likely never be able to go back to my former career because of the strong bias against hiring those who have unemployed for more than just a few months.
But I also realized that unless I took the leap, I would most likely die a bitter, wizened old man consumed with regret and self-loathing for never having taken the risk to pursue my life’s calling. So there is risk ….and there is risk in not jumping into the Abyss. Jump and the net will appear…but be prepared for a unpleasant and painful tumble down the valley. But you’ll survive that fall and you won’t fear jumping again. And you may very well find what you were looking for down in that valley which you wanted to jump over.
Go with joy in your heart and a clear mind in your head and courage in your belly and conviction in your soul. I’ll be looking for you and cheering you on on your journey.
Bruce.
Thank you Bruce! I love that you said ” I would most likely die a bitter, wizened old man consumed with regret and self-loathing for never having taken the risk to pursue my life’s calling” I feel the same way. Well put
. Thank you for the cheering and the inspiration!
Its always good to be Honest with ourselves and do exactly what you want to do. Go Ahead, and Have Fun….
really hope you get to the bottom of the honesty situation, people have adjusted so much to survive on lies and it sucks i even mentioned it in my last post……….good luck and be blessed
Lindsey,
First, I want to express how much I love your writing style. I love and appreciate when people get elaborate and precise with describing feelings, emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I think my posts are too long, but I never feel right about leaving out key points of my experiences. If it affects me, I want to explain “how” and “why” it has.
Second, I love how genuine you are, unabashed and entirely thoughtful! People can really identify with your posts, and you’re realism makes you easy to relate to.
I look forward to future posts and exploring your past ones as well :]
Stay fabulous, stay true.
Krisie, thank you for your kind and thoughtful response!